Author: ilyanacapellan

✨25✨

Turning 25 has always been my dream age. As far back as I can remember, 25 years old was the dream age for me. I remember saying, by the time I’m 25 life will be so great…I thought to myself, I’ll be a full blown adult at 25… I’ll be living on my own at 25…I’ll be getting married at 25…25…25…TWENTY-FIVE!

To be honest I didn’t know how I was going to reach all the goals I had for myself by 25 but I knew no matter what it was I wasn’t giving up. I feel like in a way I spoke those dreams and goals into existence for myself because here I am, freshly turned 25, getting married in 6 months, living in the city with my Fiance, and working towards my dream job.

Everything I have now didn’t just come to me, I’ve worked hard to be where I am and trusted that everything was happening for a reason. I graduated college at 23 after not even thinking I would ever go to a university. My parents didn’t go to college so I wasn’t like every other high school Jr./Sr. looking at potential colleges to go to. Instead, I just thought I’d figure it out along the way at a community college. While I was at that community college I began cheering again. Cheering at OCC was one of the best experiences in my life thanks to the coaches, my teammates, and Rico. If it wasn’t for Rico, I would’ve never gone back to cheering. And without cheer, I would have never gone to APSU for college and met Rashaan. And if it weren’t for Rashaan I certainly would not be getting married in 6 months LOL! Trust me, I’ve been through my fill of psycho relationships to know they were not my knight and shining armor…there was even a point where I was pretty positive my dream of getting married by 25 was no longer an option, I had completely given up on that dream, and wouldn’t you know it, Rashaan walked into my life.

To be honest, I’m not sure why 25 has always been such a big number for me, it’s always just been a year I thought would be full of hope and aspirations. Here I am 25 years old…thats a quarter of a century in case you wanted to know… and living my best life (as cheesy as that may sound). I’m 25% of the way to 100 and yet I feel so blessed and 100% full of love and joy. Trust me I may not always feel this way, there def are some days that I feel no better then a little emoji piece of poop but for now I will embrace the great days and rejoice!

Here’s a fun throwback, just so you know the glow up is real 😉

Cheers to 25!!

Besos 😘,
Ilyana

Skydiving!

One thing about me that you may not know is that I love NOT having control of certain situations. I enjoy getting to sit back and relax and being told what to do, it relieves me of the stress I put on myself when I’m in charge of something. The stress to make everything perfect and not have a mistake….If you read my first blog you know this is a huge struggle for me (Shameless plug- go read my other blogs!).

A few weeks ago, my cousin and I decided to go Skydiving for her birthday. This is one of my bucket list items, so I was thrilled when she said she wanted to do this for her birthday. Everyone I know was freaking out, they said things like “I have no idea why you would want to jump out of a perfectly functioning plane” or “you girls are crazy!”. Truth is, if I’m flying to Puerto Rico (or some other great vacay spot) on a Southwest flight with inflight entertainment and blankets theres not a chance in hell I would jump out of the plane if I don’t have to! But there is a certain thrill that I’m constantly chasing and a high I get from adrenaline pumping experiences (Rashaan says I enjoy feeling like I’m dying, lol).

When it came time to jump out of the plane, I will say I got a little nervous but the entire week leading up to it, I couldn’t feel more at peace. Even waiting to get on the plane was a very peaceful experience for me. There was no panic, no dread, no fear. It was one of the best feelings. I didn’t have to think about a single thing, and for me thats a crazy feeling! Some people are able to get this feeling when they meditate, but my busy mind can’t stay on a single thought for longer than 0.5 seconds (I can thank my mom for this ADD behavior, she cant sit still.) Anyways point is I think the very thing that brought me peace (not having control) is opposite of what I normally depend on to bring me peace. I’m a structured person, I like to know whats happening and have a plan, if theres not a plan in place I normally see what I can do to create a plan. I’m the type of person that sets reminders on her phone, and creates hand written lists because I like being able to physically cross things off of it. Do you feel me, or whattttt?

The truth is I like when situations are structured and someone is in control of everything, however that doesn’t mean that I like being the person in control. As a matter of fact I hate it….again too much pressure & too much of a risk to make people upset, which causes my people pleasing personality to spiral out of control with anxiety.

With skydiving the only thing that was spiraling was my body coming out of the plane, and there is NO BETTER FEELING IN THE WORLD! After the jump I felt so at peace with everything, I’m not sure if it’s because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for such a long time and I didn’t allow anyone to talk me out of it, or if it was the fact that it’s literally a death defying experience but I either way I appreciate it!

Would I ever do it again? 100% YES, I’d do it time, and time again…Just as long as it’s still a tandem jump, because then I can continue not having to worry or think about anything when it’s happening, and thats what makes the experience so freeing.

Besos 😘,
Ilyana

P.S.
Enjoy our video experience! https://youtu.be/dLk12mjkvUU

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Anything for Selenas

Recently I was able to be apart of a wonderful screening of the 1997 movie “Selena”. “Selena” has been a staple in my life since I can remember…We didn’t have cable in our house when I was a kid (ironic because now I work on the most popular reality shows on cable networks lol) I would sit and watch the movie over and over again. Only taking breaks to rewind the VHS (yikes aging myself here!) and start it all over again.

No matter how many times I’ve seen this movie I never get sick of it. I feel every emotion in the movie as if it were my first time watching it. I think the feeling I can say I feel the most while wathching “Selena” is proud. I’m not sure if this is a feeling everyone can say they feel while watching but allow me to explain… Growing up unless you were going to watch a Novela on Telemudo or Univision it was rare that you would see another Latinx on TV let alone a LATINA. See it’s a mixture of lack of Female leads and diversity on screen that boosted this pride in me even more while watching “Selena”. She was the definition of a Boss Babe! If you haven’t seen the movie
1st- whats wrong with you?!
2nd- get on it ASAP, you’ll thank me!

Selena crosses boundaries that otherwise would be considered impossible, and they are obstacles that we are still facing today. She was a female trying to break in to a male dominated industry, and not only did she remain persistent with that, but she crushed it and became the queen(in my opinion). Another huge obstacle she faced that I personally feel like I struggled with, is figuring out where we belong in society. Everyone wants things to be so simply black or white (sucky mentality if you ask me), when you’re not either of those (and for example are Mexican and Dominican like myself) you don’t really fit-in with either. Selena was able to overcome this obstacle and confidently be herself and break into the Tejano music world and also do an English crossover. Watching the movie is a constant reminder for myself to not try and fit anybodies cookie cutter expectations of me and just embrace my culture and be proud of it.

Besos 😘,
Ilyana

New year, same me with a splash of fitness

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So I have fallen into the trap of “fitness new years resolutions”, but I actually intend to keep this resolution. It shouldn’t be too bad because I have already been pretty okay at staying committed to working out. At some point late in 2018 I realized my metabolism was finally catching up to me- my worst nightmare! I don’t have a problem gaining weight, I’m actually all for it and all about body positivity. That being said the only reason I decided it was time to get back in the gym was because I wasn’t feeling MY best self in the way my body was changing.

I have always been pretty petite, but I was a super active kid! My parents had me in gymnastics from the time I was 5 years old on and that led me to cheerleading once I got older. Mix that with the fact that I was a picky eater and you had the answer to why I couldn’t hit 50lbs until I was in middle school! Even though I was picky I was a healthy eater, like literally… I didn’t like regular “kid food”, PB&J’s were not for me. Candy? Soda? No thanks! I was the kid ordering salads at age 7 instead of chicken nuggets, asking for a fruit cup as a dessert instead of cake. Weird, I know but it worked for me, and it taught me healthy eating habits early on. Now don’t get me wrong just because I sometimes chose the healthier alternative to some options doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t put down an entire bag of chips like a champ! Chips and I have always had a great relationship, we love each other lots and I never had to think twice about it because my body wouldn’t show it, until now.

  • Cookie monster
    *Chip Monster*
    Looking for a new chip flavor?
  • Lay’s- Limon Chips
    you’re welcome!

I’m still slim, but I don’t have the active strong (rock hard) body that I used to. So I decided that this year, I’m welcoming the weight that wants to join my body party but I’m welcoming it as muscle! I’ve really been trying to put myself as a priority, so as a result a couple of months ago I began going to therapy to work on my anxiety and stress coping mechanisms, it’s been great! For me the next natural step that I felt would help me is working out, it gives me that opportunity in the day to just be one with myself and destress without worrying about everyone else.

The reason I say all of this is to explain I am not after some crazy unhealthy weight… Some people see me or other smaller girls and are quick to judge (even more so when you see us working out), they say things like “You’re SO Skinny!”, “Do you even eat?”, “OMG you’re a twig.”, and my personal favorite “She has to have an eating disorder”….NONE OF THESE ARE OKAY TO SAY TO PEOPLE! You don’t see me going up to people calling them fat or comparing them to some big object or implying that they are unhealthy. Let people live their best life and be healthy by working out if thats what they choose to do.

⚠️WARNING, getting super real and deep here⚠️:
I’ve been in some great programs that helped me have a banging body which I loved at that time, but I’ve also been in some programs that do nothing but brainwash their team members to have body dysmorphia and eating disorders. There was a point in college where my team/coaches made me feel like if I ate toast with my breakfast I was instantly going to gain 40lbs. I’ve never wanted to eat more then when I was under the stress of weekly weigh-in’s in front of the team, and had constant pressure to keep my weight under a certain point. As much as I knew that I wasn’t fat or gaining an unhealthy amount of weight, my brain began to believe what people were saying because the people saying it were the same people coaching me/working out with me knowing how much work we were putting in to maintain our weight. Thank god I had an amazing boyfriend that supported me and noticed when I was starting to try to portion control my intake. Rashaan was quick to react and snap me back to reality. Thank god for him because I don’t even want to think of how bad things could’ve gotten if I didn’t have him!

Don’t be apart of the problem, uplift one another and preach body positivity….Truly, if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all and to all those hitting the gym this year with healthy awesome goals….Kick some ass!!!

Besos😘,
Ilyana

The Journey Begins

She was life itself. Wild and free. Wonderfully chaotic. A perfectly put together mess. — The Better Man Project

Thanks for joining me on my first blog post!!!! I’m winging it here so just go with me on this. I contemplated writing an introduction to myself but then figured people who are reading my first blog most likely know enough about me to skip that. So skipping right along, lately I’ve been all in my feeling, yes like Drake, so I decided to go ahead and let some of those inner thoughts out here.

I have always struggled with verbally expressing my emotions, so I’d resort to a pad of paper and write my feelings away. The amount of over dramatic “you don’t have to love me anymore” apology letters my mom received from me as a kid is off the chain!

I’m happy…er, Indifferent to report that 24 years later not much has changed. I still would much rather write out my feelings then talk through them… Not sure how much that says about my self growth through the years, but at least you know early on that I’m not perfect!

Perfection, or the aspiration to be perfect is something I have always struggled with. You hear that your 20’s are supposed to be a time for selfishness, growth, and finally embracing who you are and figuring out life- perfect! Funny thing is, ask any 20-something-year old and I’m sure they’d be quick to tell you that our 20’s are anything but perfect! Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my life and the people in it and the events that have transpired in my 20’s but thats not to be mistaken for perfection or ease.

Truth is I think that I have struggled the most with the idea of perfection during my 20’s. This is also a personal flaw of mine but, I think everyone in there 20’s is fighting to keep up with so much that it’s overwhelming and creating an obsession with “perfection”. Fighting to keep up with society. Fighting to keep up with trends. Fighting to keep up with what OTHERS THINK OF US. Fighting to keep up with family. Fighting to keep up with keeping up!

So here it is my fellow 20-something-year olds, I don’t think that we are selfish. Personally I think that the fact that I care about what people think of me is the opposite of being selfish (this is deep rabbit hole thought and too much to explain for now). I don’t think we are done growing, or that we have to be done growing at the end of our 20’s. I don’t think that we have it all figured out. I DO think we need to continue embracing everyone because there are too many people out here ready to hate!

Lastly, before I complete this rant, whoever said your 20’s are easy was a bold faced liar! As I asked my fiancé last night…WTF is this life when you’re in your 20’s?

Besos 😘,
Ilyana